


Anhedonia

by Asderath



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom
Genre: Dark Fantasy, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asderath/pseuds/Asderath
Summary: The writings of a deranged girl
Relationships: None
Kudos: 1





	Anhedonia

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this will be good enough to add more chapters.  
> please let me know if you would want more.  
> Thank you for even looking at this story.

Zendara  
Anhedonia is the loss of interest and enjoyment in all activities that you once liked; the feeling of not caring anymore.  
  
I find myself feeling very connected to this word and its definition these last few years, the events that have led to my losing enjoyment in things I loved are numerous and painful to think about. But I think that I should explain my descent into what feels like living on autopilot, the first time I noticed my lack of enthusiasm was when my mother was deathly ill and slowly dying. Finding things to be happy about in those times was hard so I took no notice when I picked up one of my books and couldn't relax and enjoy it, I thought it would fade, I was wrong it only got worse.  
  
How does one live without passion and drive? I thought it was impossible, now I try to imagine a life with those things and I just can't. The color was being slowly drained out of every day, little by little the days slowly turned to a sepia-toned pallet instead of the vibrancy of color it used to be.  
  
I realized that if my family were to realize the state of my numbness they would take action in some form, whether it be a mental evaluation or therapy, I didn't want it. I liked being numb, numb to the pain of losing my mother, she was my best friend and confident. Now a few years after her passing I realized that she was a catalyst that allowed this mindset to fester and grow like cancer in my mind, because without her my mind went to the dark and numb place she tried so hard to keep me away from. And if my family realized this as well I feared that they would try to take this feeling away and allow me to live in pain, all in the name of healing and recovering. Don't they realize I don't want to heal because if I heal I have accepted that she is gone and never coming back! I don't want to! I want her to stay with me, stay in my mind, tell me things when no one can hear her speak. She tells me such wonderful and dark things, she tells me what makes them scared and angry she tells me that one day if I’m patient I can make them stop trying to make me forget her, all i have to do is listen to mother and everything will be okay in the end and she will come back to me and we will be family again.  
  
It will be so wonderful to have her back and to talk with her like I used to do when I was younger and happier, so much happier and so much more filled with color.  
  
But I have to wait, she said to wait until the time is right or it wont work and she will never come home again, so I must wait because I want her to come home so bad, so so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> I love you as one loves certain dark things.  
> -Pablo Neruda, "sonnet XVII"


End file.
